The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
