I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
