hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
