I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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