I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
