i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
