There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
