Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In America we eat man semen.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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