I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
