Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
