i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize