So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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