i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
