I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
