she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
