from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
