I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
