so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
