tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I donβt think I can face reality until Wednesday
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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