Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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