Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
