True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
