And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
