first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My liver just had a heart attack.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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