he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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