ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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