I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
