it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the day after is always just damage control
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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