is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
soo... how was my night?
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