Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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