He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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