Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
