Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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