before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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