around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
