I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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