I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
