Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
