Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
there is glitter all over my balls
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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