i just wanna soil my oats bro
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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