How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
