Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
