am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
