Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
