There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
