Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
