i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
