Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
