Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
