it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
