I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
