I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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