I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
