'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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