I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
