Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do herpes really smell.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
