You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
