What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize