When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
