he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
