When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
