So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
