I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
